The Best Part Of A Relationship

Conclusion:

Having been in a whole lot of relationships .. I can tell you one thing. Break up’s ain’t fun. Wait .. did I say that? I meant they are fun.

THEY ARE THE BEST PART OF HAVING BEEN IN A BLOODY RELATIONSHIP .. PERIOD!

Introduction:

So when all is fresh and rosey and the honeymoon stage has not even begun to take up its best form, every single one of us has faced the ugly moment when we repeat those ever so beautiful words written by John Green in ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ .. “Oh, I wouldn’t mind, Hazel Grace (or any bloody tom’s Dicks or harry’s). It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” And we find ourselves feeling like, you know what, a break up is just never going to happen. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER!

Middle:

And then comes the ugly day when this beautiful little caterpillar turns into the most beautiful flower and flutters (read: carries running shoes in his bag to be able to handle the distance and time between bang buddies) away to a thousand different flowers to deflower them (according to Monica Geller). So most women find themselves in the corner of a room, crying or eating or well doing anything to get them from thinking of that stupid relationship.

End:

But I find myself doing a whole lot of thinking!

Thinking of how I could make him get me a diamond ring the next time he comes home smelling like a perfume that doesn’t belong to me. Or how I can get a new car the next time there’s a little lipstick on his shirt and how I can get a new house the next time he has a hickie.

Or I simply think, if I hire a PI and get some pictures, I COULD GET EVERYTHING FROM THIS GUY!

I’D BE RICH … 

Funny Traditions

BIG REVEAL:

I AM A MALAYALI *sings in the I am a Malayali tune* which for those of you who haven’t heard is basically in the tune of ‘I want to Break Free’ (recommended listen) and for those of you who haven’t heard it .. well, for the record, neither has my father and brother nor has anyone in the history of my family ever worn a pink lungi, but yes, we did have a Maruti and it was frickin awesome!

Anyway, the point of the big reveal, yesterday was VISHU. And yes, its only 12 minutes past the day as I write this but, its still yesterday. And the tradition of Vishu is to give people younger than you 1 rupee or any amount of money in an odd figure.

So my 5 year old cousin got 11 rupees and my 13 year old cousin got 101 and my 20 year old cousin got 501. Well, I owned a maruti .. I got 1 rupee. 1 frickin rupee. And with the deep meaning it was supposed to have had, I thought maybe I should think about why it is that I got 1 rupee. Well, the answer is clear to me now, 15 minutes past the day, that my parents just didn’t wanna give me another 1000. 1001 is an odd figure too.

As I sit here and wonder how many things I could have done with an extra thousand bucks and how much alcohol, drugs and cigarettes I could have bought with it, let my parents read this and think thats what I would have done had they given it to me. Why should they know how productive that 1000 rupees would have been?

MORAL OF THE STORY: 

Now, this 1 rupee that I got is supposed to multiply .. and multiply it will .. every year on Vishu, by itself. So in 50 years .. if anyone needs 50 bucks, you know who to come to. 🙂

P.S: Happy Vishu (or however it is they say it in the Land of Coconuts 😀 .. speaking of .. have u ever wondered why God’s own country is known for its coconuts? #BlasphemousJoke #OMG #DontKillMeMaa )

P.P.S: I have no idea what the image says .. it was just prettier than the other images I found on google(stating my sources for that plagiarism thing)

 

Ab Ki Baar .. Chod Yaar!

Hell Yeah!!!

So everyone’s asking me if I’m gonna vote and to start off .. Let me make this fuckin clear ..

HEYELL NO!

And no, I’m not gonna go on this rant about how the country and its government is never gonna change, instead I’m gonna stop a while and laugh at how you’ll actually thought this was gonna be a blog about politics. What I can’t rob a slogan? “oooo…plagerism”.

I’ve been going through some of the blogs up there lately and OMG .. (Oversized Male Genitalia .. its a condition look it up) when did people become such self obsessed narcissist douche bags? I mean, it isn’t enough that they dress like fashionistas to work/college but now they have to have a site about it too?

Now food, there’s a blog I’d read .. with all the pictures of the food oozing with 1500 calories per pixel and the recipes of how to make them so the next time someone tells your kid ‘copy cat, kill the rat, tell your mother to make you fat’ (#90sKidStupidRhymeReferenceYo), you can actually do it?

Or maybe, lets take time off from our long and tiring day and criticize the artists of today, whether in music or drawing (yea i said drawing .. I’mm middle class .. what u gonna do bout it?) or whatever. Jealous, much?

SELF PROCLAIMED GREATNESS MONOLOGUE BELOW:

What if there was a blog that could just make you laugh? Make better usage of your time, brighten up your mood and make you smile from ear to ear? Wouldn’t that just be the best?

#AbruptEndingToGetYouThinking