An Open Letter To Mahesh Bhupathi

Dear Mr. Bhupathi,

Congratulations on the completion of the first ITPL India leg. Watching Roger Federer and other greats like Novak Djokovic, Pete Sampras, Goran Ivanisevic, Ana Ivanovic, etc., play live was a dream come true to everyone that took time off from their busy schedules to come for the event from different parts of the country. The event that was held in Delhi was one awaited by many.

However, while dreams did come true, the reality of my existence was just as shocking by the way I, a common person with a not so high pay package, was treated at the event.
Not only was it difficult to afford actual seats at the event, but I was made to sit on a cement step that seemed to have been cleaned last when the British still ruled our country.

Please accept my point of view and the sarcasm that is ingrained in my tone as not just constructive criticism but also as thorough disappointment.

With excitement overwhelming me I started my journey to Delhi from Mumbai not knowing that I would actually miss being home on my couch watching the event on a television set.

I hope you take a little time off from your busy schedule to read my views of the event as I take you through a step by step account of what I faced while at the event.

I reached the venue at 13:35 as I received a notification that the gates would open at 14:00 on 6th December afternoon to be greeted by a line that was 7 people long. This, while was good news for me since I was the 9th person in the line, behind my friend who travelled with me, to reach the stadium and get a seat (read: cemented step level) of my choice, should come to you as bad news since not many were as excited as me to reach the event and get to see the greats practice and not just play the final matches. This was exciting for me, yet disappointing as it was now brought to my notice that since I paid 3000 only I would not even have a seat attached to my ticket.

But the excitement to see the players play live was more overwhelming than the seat itself
and I moved on.

The gates opened at 14:00hrs on the dot. Yet the security was completely unaware and unprepared. Being the second in the women’s line, which was by the way just one counter as compared to the mens cues that were 4, I had to wait in line for almost 20 minutes to be frisked and checked as the security personnel had not yet arrived or been briefed about the terms and conditions.
After they arrived, the table at the counter had to be covered with a black cloth and nailed down. This took another 5 minutes.

It was now brought to my attention that cameras were not allowed as opposed to the ITPL page that suggested that cameras with a lens of below 200mm would be permitted. I now had to find a way to leave my camera behind. I had to call a friend to come pick it up from me. Not only were cameras not permitted but my camera phone was a topic of debate which I fought for and refused to give up.

Now it came to the coins I had in my wallet which I had to leave behind. Nowhere had it been mentioned that coins would not be permitted. Yet I left behind money at the counter. While it may not be a legal offense to take 2 rupees from a person, it is still morally wrong.

After almost half an hour at the counter waiting to be frisked and checked, I had to wait for my friend to reach the venue to take my camera. While awaiting his arrival, I met another girl who had
been told to leave behind a chain of value. While it was blunt at its tip, the security thought it could be used as a weapon and did not permit her to wear it to the venue. She had to call someone and make them come and take her chain too.

After 45 minutes of all this drama, I reached the indoor stadium and walked the entire circle to find gate 4A as sign boards were not up yet, nor did the BMS staff or any other of the crew know where the gate was at the time. While I did get a walk and shed a few extra calories, there were some who found it difficult to do so, due to age or disabilities.

I reached the venue and realized that I had to sit on cement steps behind the screen on the South West side of the court. Not only were the steps dirty and covered with a line of dust, but the seats even below us had not been cleaned. You made us sit in filth. Whether the cost of my ticket was 3000 or 24000, the seats were dirty. This is disrespectful on humanitarian grounds.

Yet the spirit and the excitement lived on.

One hour and fifteen minutes later the matches began at which time, the stadium was empty. Like all at the event who paid a measely 3000, me and my friend along with everyone else, decided to move down onto an actual seat. While we sat down on seats that may or may not have been paid for, we were asked to get up and move back up. While this may be fair to the people who paid a larger sum of money, was the stupidest thing ever. Let’s face it, there could only have been 2 possibilities, either the ticket was bought and the person did not care enough to come for the event or the seats were not paid for at all. In both the cases, why shouldn’t I be allowed to sit on these seats? Wouldn’t the stadium looking at least partially full have been more beneficial to you and the players who played tirelessly to entertain the Indian audiences? Wouldn’t it have been a better way to start the ITPL in India?

Maybe you’re right. Maybe since I hadn’t had enough money to pay for seats I shouldn’t deserve to sit on them. But I definitely didn’t deserve to sit in filth on cement steps having travelled all the way from Bombay for this event. Nor did I deserve to be chased away from a seat that didn’t want to be filled by the person who paid for it or the seat that was never paid for.

But the spirit still lived on.

The food at the event was another disappointment. 250 rupees for a sandwich that wasn’t tasty or hot.
DON’T EAT HERE should be the name of the caterer and cold and tasteless 250 rupees sandwiches, its slogan.
The next day with a spirit even stronger and above these issues, I came back, knowing that today I would get to see Roger Federer play live.

But this time, I went in without a camera and without spare change. Yet, they found something new to hold against me, the number of clips in my bag. So what if I have 5 hair clips in my bag, I was made to wear them all and prove that I needed them. Hillarious!

Reached the stadium now, and surprise surprise, the cement step I was sitting on was still dirty. The seats below my block were dirty too. What must a person do to get respect?

The stadium still empty when the legend Roger Federer was stepping on to the court, my friends from the cement steps and I decided to move down to a respectable seat. But now, we were stopped by a man in a moustache who had less respect for other human beings than he probably had for himself. Pointing his fingers and waving his hand around, he dictated terms to me and my friend who moved back to our cement step immediately. Yet people who were sitting with me were allowed to sit on the seats irrespective of what their ticket said. I sat there in disbelief.

I went up to him and told him that if he wasn’t going to get everyone back to my block I would go down too. But he refused to listen and told me that he had checked their tickets. Having been there on Day 1 too, I told him that I would prove to him that there were still people who had tickets like mine sitting in seats that weren’t theirs. Yet, he refused to listen and didn’t even care to respond politely. Shook his head and walked away.

I continued to stay in our poor person’s corner, but now I stood at the railing. Not blocking anyone’s view or being asked to sit down, I continued to stand to watch the great man play a brilliant game. Now the security asked me to sit.

WHY? Why should I have sat in filth Mr. Bhupathi? Am I not a human being? Do I not deserve to be treated with respect? I refused to sit Mr. Bhupathi. I watched the match standing. I left soon after as I refused to be treated this way anymore.

Crowds of people walking up and down during matches right behind the players, why would they come back to our country when you can’t give them just enough respect to stop and wait till the point was over if nothing else, celebrities and common folk alike.

In a country where sports like tennis are not very popular or supported, shouldn’t the people who respect the sport, its players and are enthusiastic about it be treated with some respect too? In a country where sports in general are not given respect, shouldn’t the people who are enthusiastic about it be treated respectfully so that they are left wanting more and not wishing they had never come?

I ask you these questions as an enthusiast of the game, of sports being given equal importance in our country, and as a human being. Should I not be treated with respect? Or am I too poor to be given any respect at all?

I know I’ve written a long letter, but I hope you read it.

And if nothing else, make sure that next year or whenever you plan to host it next, when people come for this event, they are treated better than I was treated.

I am very thankful to you Mr. Bhupathi, for bringing these great players to our country and giving us an opportunity to see them play. I congratulate you on the success of the India leg. Yet, I hope things will turn around next time around and I hope people around the world are never treated like this again.

With best wishes for the Dubai leg, I sign off.

Natasha Anchees,
A disappointed Indian Tennis Enthusiast

Jack And Jill All Grown Up

So has anyone ever asked what exactly happened after Jack and Jill came tumbling down the hill? Or why Jack fell down anyway?
I guess not.

Well, the story goes something like this.
Jack and Jill were prancing around the city of Manhood in the year 1827, holding hands, talking about their love for each other and how their lives are going to be so great when they get married and have kids of their own. Jack was looking into the eyes of his bewitching bride to be and giving her his best lines while Jill was in bride mode thinking about her wedding dress and how wonderful she would look.

Out of no where came a shout. A sound so horribly loud that even their deaf dog Stucky, would hide in fear. Yes. It was the sound of Jack’s mother. She use to be a gentle lovely lady until the child she bore turned out to be the spawn of the Devil himself. She turned mad with rage one day when Jack passed a scathing remark about the food she had made him for dinner and anger became her.

She called out so loud to him, he shuddered in fear and ran straight to her, leaving Jill a little behind. She ordered him to fetch a pail of water from the well on top of the hill and Jack without a hint of hesitation, said Yes mother and walked away.

Taking Jill by the hand, he walked side by side with her hand in hand as anger built up in his mind. He often complained about his mother to Jill, sometimes more than others but today even his mother’s anger couldn’t compare. He whined and cribbed about his mother’s constant shouts and told Jill how he felt emasculated with the power she forced on him.

Jill started to console him and told him that nothing he could do would ever make her act like that with him. Especially not to a part so precious. Jack burst into an incessant laughter unable to even frame a sentence. Jill, puzzled with this reaction asked him why he laughed. When Jack caught his breathe, he said to her. “You’re a woman, you can’t shout at me. I’ll be your husband. I’ll bring home the money. I’ll put the food on the table. Your job is to take care of me and keep the house clean, cook and make me my tea. C’mon woman. Don’t make me laugh anymore”.

Astonished by the absolute disregard in Jack’s tone, Jill put her hands on her hips and was just about to scream her lungs out, when she saw a little sight in the distance. Jack stood on the edge of the hill. Quite amused by her luck, she looked back at him and smiled. On seeing this, Jack was quite amazed and thought to himself, I have the most amazing fiancé in the world. He moved in for a hug.

How Jack Fell:
As he approached Jill for a hug, she smiled a little more and said ‘Goodbye Jack’ as she pushed him off the hill with the quick move of her wrist.
Needless to say, the relationship was over.

What Happened After:
Jill carried on with her life and got married to a man who not only loved her unconditionally but made her feel equal to him, letting her work and pay the bills just like he did.

What Happened to Jack:
An unwitting Jack with a bruised ego and a broken head told everyone he knew that Jill tumbled after him. She didn’t. But that was his sad truth. He grew old but never got married. A series of bad relationships later. Jack died. Alone.

The town of Manhood was renamed to ‘Ephesus’ and is known for its worship of Artemis, the Goddess of Feminity.

Status

My Very Own Private Jet

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what this next post should be and surprisingly, I can’t come up with anything. From spelling atrocities to wardrobe malfunctions to fixed cricket matches, I have mulled over everything I could possibly come up with and yes, thats right, I’ve come up with absolutely nothing.

But on this special occasion, I find myself writing a detailed article with a little bit of a flashback. I call it a special occasion cause today is the last day the Indian Railway will be the cheapest mode of transport. For your reference, the cheapest mode of transport will now be *drum roll* … ‘Ding ding ding, we have a winner’… Private Jet!

News Update for all you Train Travellers, your private jet comes full with bhaaji walas, jewellery sellers, colouring book sellers, clothes at diacounted rates, machhi walis, and just incase you’re feeling a little blue, some fat women to push you around the plane whilst it shakes in turbulence.

For those days when you’re running late, it comes with a built in super fast mode. The super fast mode allows the jet to travel at speeds you could never have dreamed of. 2kmph, 3kmph, 4kmph .. with a maximum of 5kmph, you’ll never be late anywhere (just be sure to start a day earlier).

And the best feature of it all, you can jump as high as you can and as fast as you can, and this Private Jet will still not have place for you to breathe.

FLASHBACK : Remember how my company took the pants off me. My country just did it too.

Pants ..

So I’ve been working really hard lately. 12 hour days, finishing projects, taking on new ones cause I don’t have a say in the matter and working on all my old ones as well. Now, if anyone were to hear what it is that I do, they’d say I was an intern. Yes, an intern.

But no, I’m not an intern, I’ve been working for a year and a half with measly pay and terrible work timings. I’ve managed to hold on to the job with quick solutions and smart theories and most of all, I’ve managed to hold on to my job cause everyone else in my team has quit.

When I first got in the media world, I was told I’d have to take my pants off everyday. But did I listen, NO! Cause I love music. And my love for music has dug a grave I can’t find the top too. I have however found a quick smart solution to that too.
    GO TO WORK WITHOUT PANTS!
It is easier. There’s no buttons to take off, no zips to pull down and most of all no sticky jeans to get off my sweaty thighs.

But I’ve not only solved the problem of my terrible job, I’ve also solved the problem one faces when dealing with a miserable summer.
I’ve also saved the trouble one has when they might not have enough money to buy pants cuz with this quick fix, u don’t need pants anymore.

Save money, save ur company’s money, stop complaining about salaries. Just STOP WEARING PANTS.

The Best Part Of A Relationship

Conclusion:

Having been in a whole lot of relationships .. I can tell you one thing. Break up’s ain’t fun. Wait .. did I say that? I meant they are fun.

THEY ARE THE BEST PART OF HAVING BEEN IN A BLOODY RELATIONSHIP .. PERIOD!

Introduction:

So when all is fresh and rosey and the honeymoon stage has not even begun to take up its best form, every single one of us has faced the ugly moment when we repeat those ever so beautiful words written by John Green in ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ .. “Oh, I wouldn’t mind, Hazel Grace (or any bloody tom’s Dicks or harry’s). It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” And we find ourselves feeling like, you know what, a break up is just never going to happen. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER!

Middle:

And then comes the ugly day when this beautiful little caterpillar turns into the most beautiful flower and flutters (read: carries running shoes in his bag to be able to handle the distance and time between bang buddies) away to a thousand different flowers to deflower them (according to Monica Geller). So most women find themselves in the corner of a room, crying or eating or well doing anything to get them from thinking of that stupid relationship.

End:

But I find myself doing a whole lot of thinking!

Thinking of how I could make him get me a diamond ring the next time he comes home smelling like a perfume that doesn’t belong to me. Or how I can get a new car the next time there’s a little lipstick on his shirt and how I can get a new house the next time he has a hickie.

Or I simply think, if I hire a PI and get some pictures, I COULD GET EVERYTHING FROM THIS GUY!

I’D BE RICH … 350210e

Funny Traditions

BIG REVEAL:

I AM A MALAYALI *sings in the I am a Malayali tune* which for those of you who haven’t heard is basically in the tune of ‘I want to Break Free’ (recommended listen) and for those of you who haven’t heard it .. well, for the record, neither has my father and brother nor has anyone in the history of my family ever worn a pink lungi, but yes, we did have a Maruti and it was frickin awesome!

Anyway, the point of the big reveal, yesterday was VISHU. And yes, its only 12 minutes past the day as I write this but, its still yesterday. And the tradition of Vishu is to give people younger than you 1 rupee or any amount of money in an odd figure.

So my 5 year old cousin got 11 rupees and my 13 year old cousin got 101 and my 20 year old cousin got 501. Well, I owned a maruti .. I got 1 rupee. 1 frickin rupee. And with the deep meaning it was supposed to have had, I thought maybe I should think about why it is that I got 1 rupee. Well, the answer is clear to me now, 15 minutes past the day, that my parents just didn’t wanna give me another 1000. 1001 is an odd figure too.

As I sit here and wonder how many things I could have done with an extra thousand bucks and how much alcohol, drugs and cigarettes I could have bought with it, let my parents read this and think thats what I would have done had they given it to me. Why should they know how productive that 1000 rupees would have been?

MORAL OF THE STORY: 

Now, this 1 rupee that I got is supposed to multiply .. and multiply it will .. every year on Vishu, by itself. So in 50 years .. if anyone needs 50 bucks, you know who to come to. 🙂

P.S: Happy Vishu (or however it is they say it in the Land of Coconuts 😀 .. speaking of .. have u ever wondered why God’s own country is known for its coconuts? #BlasphemousJoke #OMG #DontKillMeMaa )

P.P.S: I have no idea what the image says .. it was just prettier than the other images I found on google(stating my sources for that plagiarism thing)

 

Image

Image

Ab Ki Baar .. Chod Yaar!

Hell Yeah!!!

Hell Yeah!!!

So everyone’s asking me if I’m gonna vote and to start off .. Let me make this fuckin clear ..

HEYELL NO!

And no, I’m not gonna go on this rant about how the country and its government is never gonna change, instead I’m gonna stop a while and laugh at how you’ll actually thought this was gonna be a blog about politics. What I can’t rob a slogan? “oooo…plagerism”.

I’ve been going through some of the blogs up there lately and OMG .. (Oversized Male Genitalia .. its a condition look it up) when did people become such self obsessed narcissist douche bags? I mean, it isn’t enough that they dress like fashionistas to work/college but now they have to have a site about it too?

Now food, there’s a blog I’d read .. with all the pictures of the food oozing with 1500 calories per pixel and the recipes of how to make them so the next time someone tells your kid ‘copy cat, kill the rat, tell your mother to make you fat’ (#90sKidStupidRhymeReferenceYo), you can actually do it?

Or maybe, lets take time off from our long and tiring day and criticize the artists of today, whether in music or drawing (yea i said drawing .. I’mm middle class .. what u gonna do bout it?) or whatever. Jealous, much?

SELF PROCLAIMED GREATNESS MONOLOGUE BELOW:

What if there was a blog that could just make you laugh? Make better usage of your time, brighten up your mood and make you smile from ear to ear? Wouldn’t that just be the best?

#AbruptEndingToGetYouThinking